Unfortunately, life doesn't always go the way we planned, thought or imagined.
Most of the time it's unexpected, it takes us by surprise, breaks our hearts and leaves us with crippling fear.
I've hit my highs and my lows and during that process, I nearly lost myself. For so long I've been trying to please everyone else, do the right thing and that frustrating thought, and let's be honest we all think it, "what would people say."
There's that constant voice in my head "see, you're not enough" and over and over again I try to prove that the voice is right, and then I convince myself that I'm not good enough and that, unfortunately, leads to "no one will actually care if I'm here tomorrow" ...
For a long time, I put a lot of emphasis on not being enough, mostly because growing up there were nasty children, yes children, who would bully, tease and make me feel like I should be ashamed of who I am! That stuff leaves scars!
So enough of that! Enough of not being enough, enough of being embarrassed, ashamed or scared to be me. Enough!
Instead of I'm not enough, Enough is enough and I am ENOUGH!
Why am I telling you all this?
"Saviour" on my album "these first steps" is my fight song! My enough is enough, get up and fight song! My no more walking away, but rather facing the battle head-on! A song to make you see that it is time to be brave, be courageous, chase your dreams! That finally letting go of the past kinda song!
"Be brave enough to fight,
for the life, you want
Be everything you are,
and don’t stop, when you fall
Just get up, be courageous
And chase it, don’t look back
Start over, be boulder
Let the past roll off your shoulder"
At some point in your life you have to decide, today is the day it all changes, today is the day I'm going to fight, I'm going to keep going. No matter how many times people throw words at me, no matter how many times I try and fail or fall and crash to the ground. I've promised myself, little fragile me, that I will keep going on, I will not stop. I'm going to be brave and courageous and as frightening as it is and as overwhelming as it will become, I will chase the dreams, I will push through and conquer my fears. I will not let my past cripple me and I will let go of the hurt, the pain, those words, especially the 'I'm not good enough'
"You may bend, but that’s not broken
May be lost, but no loser
Might be a wreck, though you won’t crumble
You will fail, but you ain’t a failure
So be your own saviour"
Ultimately, as clear as these words are, life is going to through you curve balls and it's going to test your faith, but you have to learn how to 'roll with the punches' (another cliché saying, bare with me) In the end no matter what, if you don't let it break you, it won't!
I find myself lost sometimes, unsure of my purpose and again well, 'what's the point?' Here's the thing, the point is it's okay to be lost and not sure of the direction you want to take. It's also okay to change your direction along the way causing you to hurt, get lost, feel scared and embarrassed, IT IS OKAY! What's not okay is believing that because of that you are worthless, because you are not! I AM NOT Worthless! Even if that small, stupid voice in my head tells me otherwise!
Might be a wreck? Well, let's face it, we are all a wreck, we all have our quirks, our things, you show me someone who has it entirely together, all the time? I'm calling bulls***! Yes, you're a wreck, I'm a wreck, but I will not let that be the deciding factor of my life. I will not let that control my life, consume my mind, and neither should you.
At this point you may be thinking, 'dam, this girl hasn't even seen pain' and you may be right(side note though, thank you for reading this far) I don't know your pain or what you've been through, we all have different things that have brought us shattered to the ground, and some worse than others. I don't know your pain, it's true, and you don't know mine. And some of us have higher pain thresholds than others, it doesn't mean the pain isn't there!
This song here is to help inspire you! That no matter what, if you fail, fall, crash or break, no matter the path you are on or the pain you have been through, the words that have been spat at you. You choose the outcome. You choose how it affects you! You choose whether or not to believe it! The choice is yours! I haven't realized this stuff on my own, I have hit the ground and had someone fight to make me see it.
So here I am, after this very loooonng message and conversation, here I am fighting to make you see what I have eventually accepted and started to believe!
I want this song "Saviour" to help you and make you believe in YOU again. Believe in your magic, believe you are enough. BELIEVE that you control your choices!
No matter what, in the end, you have you, YOU! Just you! You are the one to fight for you! You are the one to believe in your dreams, your dreams are never going to be as important to anyone else as they are to you. STOP relying on anyone else to make you feel your WORTH! STOP relying on others to make you feel like you are enough! Be your own saviour! Be your own voice in your head cheering you on shouting, 'GET UP! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU'VE GOT THIS! YOU ARE A ENOUGH'
It's time for you to believe it! Time for you to change your mind! Time for you to be brave enough to fight for the life you want! It is time for you to see your worth!
And there's no time like now!
"Bent not broken
Lost, but no loser
Wrecked, you won’t crumble
Not a failure
So be your own saviour!"